I Want to Feel Like Shit

So, not only is it crazy that women who've experienced miscarriage wish away their first trimester, but women who experienced miscarriage also want to feel like shit.

I don't.

Some days I feel kinda gross, but other days (like recent days), I don't feel bad AT ALL. Of course, this makes me wonder, am I going through another miscarriage? God... I hope not. Please no.

I haven't felt "growing" cramps since Sunday (it's Thursday), I've had a headache pretty much all week and this morning I woke up and my boobs didn't hurt.

I just wish I would start projectile vomiting all over the place or feel so bad that I can't even get out of bed -- just so I know everything is OK.

Please let everything be OK.

Want to Cry Wolf

So, I'm back in the state of mind that I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm still exhausted and my boobs still hurt and are pretty big, but I'm not starving like I have been, I still have this headache, and I haven't had cramps since Sunday morning. I'm freaking out.

When I had my miscarriage, I continued to feel sleepy, my boobs continued to be large and sore and I had a funky headache that wouldn't go away.

It's Wednesday. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make it until 3p on Friday to see my doctor.

I so badly want to call the doctor office and say that I experienced some bleeding and ask if I can go in for an ultrasound... but I fear that crying wolf is only going to jinx my chances of this pregnancy continuing and me getting a great gift at the end of it all. So, I won't call. At least, I won't call and make up a lie. If anything, I will call and explain my fears and see if they will take me a few days early for my appointment.

I can't think straight I am so nervous.

Still Scared

I wrote the previous post today because I realized I forgot to update this blog the past few days -- I wanted to get everyone up to speed on the pregnancy and what things were expected during it.

Today I am either 7 weeks or 7 weeks 1 day and I am really freaking out. The cramps have stopped. Since I started getting cramps, I've had them a few times every day. It reassured me that everything was OK with my pregnancy. My body was adjusting as it needed and things were running smoothly.

But yesterday I realized I had zero symptoms, including the cramps that I've had daily... and today I have zero symptoms. I'm freaking out. I don't want to lose this baby. The only symptoms I still have is that my boobs are sore -- but the more I think about it, I think my boobs stayed sore during my last pregnancy, after I had already lost the baby. I'm not sure I can handle another miscarriage and have been praying daily. I go back to see the doctor on Friday and am keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm Scared

So, I am 6 weeks today. But I'm deathly afraid I'm not pregnany anymore.

Yesterday, around 5p, I started getting pretty bad period cramps. I know people say that have this during pregnancy, but they were pretty bad -- and lasted until about 7a this morning. I gagged a little when I was flossing my teeth this morning, and since then, I feel like all of my pregnancy symptoms have gone away. I don't feel as nauseous as I did yesterday and I don't feel as tired, either. I'm completely freaking out and debating calling my doctor to go in for an ultrasound (even though I'm scheduled to see her this Friday). Fortunately, my boobs still hurt, but when I had my last miscarriage, my boobs continued to hurt after I lost the baby.

I truly don't know if I'm strong enough to go through this again. I'm praying to God every second that everything is OK with my pregnancy and that it will be successful and I will carry full term.

Please God. Please bless my husband and me with a precious baby. I know we will make the best parents ever.